How to Find a Doctor Who “Gets It”
Author: Kate
Why Good Doctors Are So Hard to Find
Let’s just say this bluntly: finding a doctor who actually understands what’s happening in your body can feel impossible. But I’ve had some wins lately, and I want to show you how I got there.
I don’t like saying “good doctor” vs. “bad doctor.” I think most doctors are trying. But some people’s “best” just doesn’t cut it when your health is on the line.
So this is your crash course from someone living in the wreckage. Welcome to another episode of "Kate Tries to Save You From the System."
Two Methods That Actually Work
Tapping Into Patient Networks
Being Willing to Get Rejected Until You Find the Right Fit
Let’s start with the networks.
The Power of Patient Communities
Reddit. Facebook groups. YouTube lectures. These are goldmines for health information. I discovered that I likely had Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) through patients—not doctors. And guess what? That explained why I had such an extreme reaction to contrast dye. Even though the doctor wasn’t a gadolinium expert, they understood MCAS, and that was enough to move the needle.
In these online communities, patients swap studies, name-drop doctors, and share real outcomes. That’s how I found out about doctors like Dr. Semelka and treatments like DTPA chelation. Someone posted it in a Facebook group. That lead saved me.
Use AI to Narrow Things Down
If you have no idea what’s wrong, start by typing your symptoms into AI tools like ChatGPT. Ask it to list every possible cause of something like “chronic itching” or “burning nerve pain.” It’s not diagnostic, but it gives you a direction. Once you have leads, join forums for those conditions and see if the symptoms match up.
Finding Real Experts
Once you think you know what you’re dealing with, look for lectures on YouTube. Watch researchers talk about the conditions. Read studies on Google Scholar. Find the authors. Email them. If they can’t help, ask if they know someone who can.
You can also scan the back of books for the author’s name and reach out. Often, one doctor opens the door to a whole network.
You're sleuthing. That’s how this works.
Vetting Doctors Before You Walk In
Don’t book blindly. Call clinics first. Ask questions like:
“Have you treated patients with drug injuries?”
“Are you familiar with [insert suspected condition]?”
This saves you from walking into a trap where you pour your heart out, only to be dismissed. If they say they’re not familiar, move on.
How to Talk to Doctors (Without Getting Dismissed)
Here are some tactics that helped me:
Don’t overshare at first. I know it’s tempting, but it’s often better to ease into your story. Let the doctor guide the appointment. This keeps the dynamic balanced and prevents the doctor from feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
Speak in terms of what other doctors have said. Instead of saying, “I have chronic headaches,” say, “A previous doctor told me to get evaluated for chronic headaches.” This gives your concern more credibility.
Let them feel like the expert. Frame things like, “I was told XYZ. What do you think?” That puts the ball in their court, and they’re more likely to respond with care instead of defensiveness.
Why You Need Multiple Opinions
Even if you think you found “your person,” keep looking. I saw three clinics for my gut issues. One suggested an intense probiotic, one suggested a high risk high reward medical treatment, and the third told me she thought my issues weren’t bacterial at all and that they were fungal.
Guess who was right? The fungal expert. Her insight lead me toward a path of healing.
I’ve also heard horror stories. A loved one was told they had cancer and had an entire organ removed, only to find out later they didn’t have cancer at all. A second opinion could have saved them a surgery and a lifetime of regret.
Aim for three opinions whenever possible. Go home. Think it over. Don't let anyone rush you into a decision unless it’s a clear emergency.
Final Advice: Treat It Like Dating
Finding the right doctor is like dating. You’re not looking to make someone fit your needs. You’re looking for someone who naturally does. Don’t put your hopes into one person. Build a team. One doctor might give you the right diagnosis. Another might give you the best treatment. Together, their insights can be life-changing.
Wrap-Up
I know this is a long post. But I wanted to give you real tools, not just empty hope.
If you’re exhausted, discouraged, or feel like the system is against you, please know this: you are not crazy. You are not alone. And there are people out there who understand what’s happening in your body.
You just have to find them.
